we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize