I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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