do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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