Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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