Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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