and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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