god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
