im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
