yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
