Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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