Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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