oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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