I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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