No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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