I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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