Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
