You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
