No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
