M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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