I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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