I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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