My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my shit smells like andre
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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