id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
