I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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