Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
