I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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