we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize