I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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