would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
