I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
