Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
