Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
