last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
