So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
