I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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