You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
