Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
