Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
