he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
