He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
