maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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