my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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