My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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