We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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