Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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