so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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