it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize