Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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