So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
