they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize