This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He shit in the fireplace
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
