You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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