You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
