Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
