We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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