Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
