my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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