Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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