i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
