Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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