Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
